Ever find yourself agreeing to something, then wondering why you did? Sometimes, our choice was based less on what we were going to do, than on our internal hurts, habits, and hang-ups. Sometimes we say “Yes” but unexpected issues outside our control change the situation. If this is an ongoing, repeating pattern, though, this may point toward a problem with co-dependency.
If you struggle with co-dependency, you may have said “yes” to try to feel better, to feel that sense of reward and satisfaction from “being needed.” You might have said “yes” to keep the other person from pulling away. You might have said “Yes” so you can make sure the other person does it “the right way.” Now, as reality sets in on this choice, you may feel trapped, helpless, hopeless. You may think you have no options, unable to break away from the cycle of behavior that causes this situation to repeat over and over again.
Do these characteristics describe your actions?
- An exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others
- A tendency to confuse love and pity, with the tendency to “love” people they can pity and rescue
- A tendency to do more than their share, all of the time
- A tendency to become hurt when people don’t recognize their efforts
- An unhealthy dependence on relationships, doing anything to hold on to a relationship; to avoid the feeling of abandonment
- An extreme need for approval and recognition
- A sense of guilt when asserting themselves
- A compelling need to control others
- Lack of trust in self and/or others
- Fear of being abandoned or alone
- Difficulty identifying feelings
- Rigidity/difficulty adjusting to change
- Problems with intimacy/boundaries
- Chronic anger
- Poor communications
- Difficulty making decisions
We all do one or two of these things at various times. If a large portion of that list sounded like it described yesterday… and the day before.. and the day before that… your Celebrate Recovery® group can be one of the tools you use to find your path to recovery from co-dependency. You may want to join into a Step Study to understand the hurts, habits, and hang-ups that contribute to your struggle, or talk with your CR Sponsor to about ways to build in safer boundaries on your path to recovery.
We are here to help you along the way!